Category Archives: Relationships

How Not To Look (That) Old

In yesterday’s Sunday Styles section of The New York Times, I wrote a profile of Stephanie Dolgoff, author of the forthcoming book, Formerly Hot: Dispatches from Just This Side of Young. The book is hilarious and the author is completely charming. I found the comments about the article to be very interesting — many people seemed to react to the fact that Ms. Dolgoff cares about the way she looks to mean that she only cares about the way she looks.

This is a phenomenon that I encounter frequently when I write, whether it’s an article or a book. Let’s take some of my writing about sexuality: If I write an article about a particular study, readers will ask, Why didn’t you write about this other study? If I write a book about heterosexual pornography, people ask, why didn’t you write about homosexual pornography? If I write an article about a lesbian couple’s struggle to adopt a child in West Virginia, people ask, why didn’t you write about the difficulties of gay adoption in Florida?

These are all valid questions, but the limitation of any story or book is that you can only write so much — that as journalists and authors, we have to draw the line somewhere, or we’d end up with 10,000 word articles all the time (which we, as writers, would love but readers probably wouldn’t) and with 500-page books (which we, as writers, would hate and readers would too — not that there’s anything wrong with 500 page books, but I’ll leave that to Robert Caro and Robert K. Massie).

In this case, I wrote about Ms. Dolgoff’s interest in the implications of aging (but not aging that much) on what you wear and how you look. It’s an interesting issue, and one I think Ms. Dolgoff addresses interestingly — and hilariously — in her book.

The Undivorced

I have¬† a new story in yesterday’s Styles section of The New York Times about couples who separate and stay separated indefinitely, rather than proceeding directly to divorce. Call them the Undivorced. (I did.) The comments section is really fascinating. While it would be impossible to quantify whether the number of these undivorced couples is growing, it is clearly not uncommon. Many people wrote about various iterations in their own families.¬†

The Census Bureau does not track length of separation, but at any given buy clomid online moment, approximately 2.3% of American adults describe themselves as separated, and an additional 1.4% say they are married but their spouse is absent (though he may be in the military or temporarily relocated for a job, for example).

While reporting, I watched this fascinating interview of the late Susan Buffett, longtime separated wife of Warren Buffett, on Charlie Rose, which I wholly recommend.

Finally, I’m thrilled to report that the story is #5 most emailed on NYT.com, which is the first time I’ve broken the top 10. Very exciting for me, personally.